Thursday, July 18, 2013

I Failed a Breathalyzer

While the title is a little sketchy, it will make sense all in good time. 

Today I woke up feeling great, as my morning routine went back to normal. Even though some people may like being catered and cared for in a hospital, I hate waking up in a hospital bed with needles stuck in my arm and a band around my wrist to identify me. So waking up free of all stress and worry, I got up and out of bed without any hesitation as I made my way to the commons for breakfast. When I got to breakfast I ate some delicious hash browns, scrambled eggs, French toast, strawberry yogurt, bacon, pineapples, and orange juice with my classmates. Before I was grabbed to go to class I sat and finished another postcard, and as soon as I put on the stamp Hakeem came in and said time to go.

When we got to class we had a make believe debate that we would have to do research for. This debate consisted of a fake superstar named Spittney Bears, who was pulled over for driving while intoxicated as she blew a .08 on the breathalyzer and swerved into traffic lanes. Our job as the students was to play the role as either her lawyer or the prosecutor.  As the lawyer you thought Spittney should get off free with no jail time or so much as a ticket on her record. As the Prosecutor you believed she should be imprisoned even though this was her first offense. In my views I thought jail time was too tough, but I also didn't feel she should get off free without any consequences. I felt she at least deserved a ticket or for the offense to be put on her record, so I decided to join the prosecutors. After the sides were clearly determined, we all went down to the library to do a little research on the possible things that could affect a breathalyzer test.

In my studies I found that weight can play a role in how your body processes alcohol in the blood stream. If you are a heavier man your blood can hold more alcohol then a woman, because of the man's carb intake. Also your alcohol level can be read higher on certain breathalyzers if you are fasting, on an extreme diet, or have diabetes. After our studies in the library we went back up stairs for the rest of the class to watch a Myth Busters episode on ways to beat a breathalyzer. We watched as the two scientists drank like crazy and tried every trick in the book, from penny sucking to battery sucking all of the myths were busted. There really was no absolute way to beat a breathalyzer, and after watching the video one of my classmates threw out the idea that you can beat a breathalyzer by eating your own poop. At that point I thought that if I ever were in this situation I would have to take the ticket with no hesitation, because eating my own poop is not an option. Then I thought that you would have to be very desperate or on your third strike to do something that disgusting. After this quick discussion we all did the best thing to do to get our minds off the situation, which was to go eat lunch.

At lunch I ate Cajun barbecued chicken breast, with a salad, and corn. After I got done eating my proctor walks in the dining room and reminds my classmate and I that we have a house meeting for lunch. Being a little confused, because we were already finished with lunch we sat with our group as we discussed our plans for the weekend, and as we sang happy birthday to a paranoid John, who was still playing this assassin game while looking out for his killer. Well as soon as we finished singing the attention attracting happy birthday song he took off running for his life as his killer was lurking behind him. This ended our meeting as we all went back to class. 

When we arrived back in class we had a guest speaker up front with three large machines with her. The guest speaker was a lady from the Nashville Police Department. She discussed the machines and how they worked, and she even mentioned that there was no real way to trick this breathe instrument. She eventually explained that a breathalyzer is an instrument, because it takes readings. Anyway she went into detail about some of the ways people have tried to trick the bulky machine like; mouthwash; injecting alcohol into their blood stream; through the anal passage; and bathing in alcohol, but in reality all of these things are deadly and have made their scores worse on the instrument. 

After we got through some brief knowledge, we each got to fail a sobriety test. Some people used mouthwash to blow into the tube, while others used this machine that created bubbles when blew hard enough to make alcohol evaporate into the instruments system. With some people who used the mouthwash was they had to wait five minutes after using it so the machine won't read the mouthwash and consider the test invalid. Most people received invalids, but I chose to use the harder bubble machine that was a guarantee to fail the test if you blew hard enough. On my first try I blew and passed the test, well failed I guess as my receipt printed out with my name, race, and result. 

Before the nice officer left she answered my question about one of the sobriety tests. I asked if police officers really ask people to say their ABC's backwards, and she said no. Then I sighed with relief, because I can't announce my ABC's backwards while I'm sober, how am I supposed to do it while I'm drunk. After she left class was over, but we couldn't leave for a while because it was raining and thundering. This delayed us for ten minutes, which gave me time to just think. While in my zone I thought about the fact that she said that drinking slowly kills of your motor skills, and I would hate to go through that experience so I think I would like to stay sober. 

When the rain finally cleared I went to dance where we decided who was going to do what dance in the show tomorrow. It was decided that my partner and I would be doing the Waltz. This is great because that's one of the four dances I can remember. After this I went straight to the gym to work out with my friend Colt as we hit the weights until dinner time. At dinner they served spaghetti and meatballs that people fought over. Once I finished my helping I went outside to watch the Frisbee be thrown around, and talk to some new people. We discussed the best female singer today, and they all said Beyonce while I considered Alicia Keyes the best. We had our argument all the way up until soft night began at 7:00 PM. When the night began I went to watch this two hour long terrible movie called "Volcano," which made me regret my two hour investment as the movie had no real major characters. This was a perfect example of how not to make a movie.       

1 comment:

  1. If I were you, Keli’i, I’d stay away from that classmate that suggested you eat your own poop to fool the Breathalyzer. Where on earth did he come up with that idea?

    I have my own story to tell you about sobriety tests but I’ll send it in an email—I don’t need the whole world knowing anything about this incident. ☺

    And quit badmouthing Volcano. I thought it was a decent movie and enjoyed watching it when it came out.

    And if you continue to host that conversation about the best singers of today and exclude Taylor Swift then I’m bringing out my own Breathalyzer to check your sobriety.